Grieving is a process often associated with tremendous loss. The truth is that changes in life – no matter how big or small – can also ignite the grieving process. Critical illness, loss of a loved one, losing a job, the process of aging, and change in a relationship can ignite the process of grief.
Understanding the five phases of grief and understanding that grieving is not a linear process can be very helpful to reaching a new level of acceptance of one’s life. It releases the struggle to regain a life that is in the past.
The Five Phases of Grief
As you read the list below, it is important to note that there is no order to how these phases occur. Emotions drive the phases of grief and can jump around from one day to the next.
The best way to use this information is to ask yourself, “What am I feeling today? Which of these phases best describes how I feel?” Allowing yourself to express how you truly feel and finding where you are in this process will bring comfort and relief.
1. Shock & Denial
This phase is the beginning of the journey of grief. Phrases like “I will get back to the place I used to be,” or “I just want to be the same person I was before,” are all part of the process of denial that your circumstances have changed.
2. Anger
With the refusal to accept that things in your life have changed, the anger often appears. Anger is important because it’s usually the first emotion you can pinpoint feeling after a loss. It can manifest itself and become pointed at something or someone when in fact it is the true feeling inside of you.
You are beginning to recognize that a loss has occurred that has changed your life. Anger is an important emotion to experience because it is the beginning of the healing process.
3. Bargaining
“Should I have done something differently?”
“Maybe I can get back to where I was if I just behave differently?”
Bargaining is the “would have, should have” phase of grieving. It’s like trying to find a trap door to walk through that does not exist. Many people feel a loss of control and panic in bargaining and this is an attempt at regaining control.
4. Depression
Loss of structure, routine, and abandonment are just a few of the emotions that can be felt which can result in lack of sleep, crying, feelings of despair, and hopelessness. This is the “pit” of grieving.
5. Acceptance
Enlightenment and a sense of peacefulness begin to emerge in this stage. Gradually, the pain eases and it becomes possible to see new options and develop a plan to move forward. A sense that you will be okay settles in, and you come to terms with the fact that your “new” reality is something that you can learn to live with. Your emotions begin to stabilize to a point where they are not as intense as they once were.
Entering a New Phase in Life is Possible
It is vital to allow yourself to feel the different emotions at each of the five phases of grief. They are normal reactions to grief, and when you try to hold the feelings in or want to appear strong to others the progression of healing takes much longer.
Grief is commonly recognized as a process associated with tremendous loss such as a death of a loved one. It is important to note that even the smallest changes in life can cause grief. Recognizing and acknowledging that you may be experiencing grief will help you not only get through the process but will also help you enter a new phase of your life.
